Looking for Peace.I've been trying to get this train moving. My Wellness train. I don't know what it is about Fall, but I fall. Last year was pretty bad, and again this year, I felt myself slipping. Looking back on the last 6 months, my career, mom, wife, life train was moving at full speed, but my wellness train was DERAILED. Non- existant mindfulness practice. No Yoga to be seen. Keto diet, but not enough veggies at all. Aches and pains in my joints were creeping in more consistently. Feelings of overwhelm getting too familiar. I wasn't well again.
Being the self-aware person that I am, I noticed.... but I didn't do much.... until once again I was desperate for some peace, quiet, and perhaps the solitude I have today. Right now. Just me and this keyboard. The boys are at my parent's house, my husband is at work.
Today I prayed for peace to fill my heart. I was hoping that would lift the heaviness I felt on my chest as I woke up. I tried tea next. Then my meditation app https://www.tenpercent.com/ . I recently paid for the full year because I was feeling some success having meditated each day multiple times through my 7-day trial. Nope, that didn't bring the peace I sought. Then I turned to a book. I recently stumbled upon Shauna Niequist's " Present Over Perfect- Leaving Behind Frantic For A Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living" The first 2 chapters felt like Diary pages she surely must have stolen from my mind. That was nice, heard a couple good nuggets and decided to go for a hike.
I often escape (with my boys) to Oak Glen, a little apple town tucked 15 minutes away from my house, at the base of the San Bernardino Mountains. I went into a little store, grabbed a good hug from a girlfriend I have that works up there, and went on my hike. I took another book with me. Eckhart Tolle's " A New Earth; Awakening to Your Life's Purpose." You know, a little light reading. As I hiked through a ton of field tripping primary age students, I breathed in peace and breathed out love, trying to mindfully walk. Nope. Couldn't find the stillness, still. I went on just past the kids, then saw the construction of a much longer deck over the water...that will bring peace surely once it's done. And to so many, not just me. I passed the rock with the quote " Meditation and water are wedded for ever. - Herman Melville" I continued on and the noise faded slowly away with each step. There was finally some quiet. Now that mindful walking started to work. I found a sport by a thin running creek, sat, and opening my book. I prayed for that elusive peace again. Prayed for a sign. Please God, louder, I can't hear you.
What do you know? Right there on the page I had opened up to, screaming at me was the word PEACE. Here is what I read:
How to be at peace now? By making peace with the present moment. The present moment is the field on which the game of life happens. It cannot happen anywhere else. Once you have made peace with the present moment, see what happens, what you can do or choose to do, or rather what life does through you.
I paused there, and meditated for three maybe four minutes and made peace with the moment. There, there it was, the present. I had arrived. What's that creeping in? Peace. I took a whole breath, the kind that satiates a hunger inside. I continued my reading:
...One With Life. being one with life is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live your life, but life lives you. Life is the dancer, and you are the dance.
I need not continue. I am the dance. Complete spiritual connection at that very moment. I always preach body, mind, soul... always care for your body mind and soul. Today I took the day off work, erased my to-do list and gave my body, mind, and finally my soul the nurturing it needed.
I'm back on the right train. I'm not the conductor, I'm the journey!